Archive for the 'College Fun' Category
The other day I was watching ESPN, enjoying a relaxing Yuengling Lager (by far the best American beer), and at the end of Sportscenter I observed a little message from the network. “Follow us on Twitter! Twitter.com/sportscenter .” Naturally, I was intrigued. I’ve heard a few people mention Twitter, and after ESPN, I noticed almost every news station and TV show had some sort of, “Follow us on Twitter!!!111oneone” message. Since I believe college students should always be on the cutting edge of awesome internet movements, I was clearly concerned that I myself didn’t have any knowledge of twitter. I had one big question:
So, WTF is Twitter?
The answer, from my painstaking online research is as follows:
“Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?”
Source: Twitter.com
I confess, I am not very impressed as Twitter strikes me to be nothing more than a glorified Facebook status update. Also, I am not totally convinced that people particularly care about what I am doing every minute of every day. But before I completely discount twitter, tweeting, and tweets of all kinds, I wanted to find out if I will be severely uncool for not having an account. Case and point, this attractive woman in the picture to the right loves twitter; is she spot on? That’s where you, my faithful readers, come in.
Does Twitter Suck?
Essentially, I would like all my readers (and anyone else) to participate in a “Does Twitter Suck” poll! I plan on finally determining if twitter is for real, or nothing more than a Jon and Kate Plus 8 Relationship. In order to participate you need only send an e-mail to wtftwitter@yahoo.com with answers to these three questions:
1. Do you have a Twitter account?
2. Does Twitter Suck? Why or Why Not? (most amusing answer wins $100!)
3. Are you a student or a working professional?
Since college students are perpetually broke and the economy is a train wreck, the person who submits the most creative/clever answer for why twitter does or does not suck will have their response immortalized in the “Does Twitter Suck” poll results, in addition to receiving $100 USD for being witty and clever! I will be accepting submissions from now until July 31st. On August 1st, I plan on making a post with the definitive results. Do college students use twitter? Do they think it sucks? Do working professionals use twitter? Do they find it to be useful, or at least find it to not suck? Should I be using twitter? Am I cool enough to use twitter? Is twitter cool because slightly famous people use it, or are slightly famous people cool because they use Twitter?
These and many other pressing twitter-related questions should be answered in a mere month’s time. Depending on the results, I will or will not be creating and using a twitter account. If twitter does turn out to suck, I cannot in good conscience be a part of the community, since I made a resolution to avoid all things that suck whenever possible. Until that time, however, please feel free to e-mail away! Remember, the more responses I receive, the more accurate the results will be. Of course, only one ballot per e-mail address will be counted; I certainly wouldn’t want to be known as a guy who messed up the polling process.
Again, send answers to wtftwitter@yahoo.com!
June 19 2009 | College Advice and College Fun | No Comments »
Almost every campus has a main walkway, central lawn, or main street. With hundreds to thousands of students walking around every day, it’s a marketers dream. Especially when the weather turns nicer and students are out in full force, hundreds of people will try to disturb your peaceful walk to class. People from all kinds of places will try to talk to you, hand you things, get you to sign up for things, offer to sell you useless items, ask you for spare change, and let you know that you haven’t been “saved” yet and that you’re going to hell because of it. It’s unfortunate the amount of students I see get cornered every day on their way to class. I myself am excellent at avoiding all people I don’t want to talk to, and so I figured I’d share some of my techniques. After reading this post, hopefully the next time someone wants you to sign up for a credit card, or open another bank account, you can walk right by confidently; saving both time and money.
1.Avoid all eye contact – The most common mistake students make when they are getting approached is making eye contact. 
If you look at them, then they know you notice them, and that gives them a window to approach you. No matter what your political leanings are, if you don’t want to be bothered, look away! Look down at your feet, look at your cell-phone, look at the person on the other side of the lawn, look at your mp3 player, or simply look up at the sky. If you don’t see them, then they don’t exist, and are therefore easier to avoid.
2. Pretend you don’t speak English – I first discovered this method when I was being harassed to sign a petition against some silly legislation that would have no effect on me or anyone I cared about. The eager young lady came towards me, clipboard in hand, ready to give me the lowdown on the issues. I simply looked at her and responded with pure gibberish. You’ll find that most people can’t tell what language you are speaking, and will therefore assume it is either Spanish or some sort of Eastern European dialect they’ve never heard. Be sure to sell it as well; act like you are so confused and stressed because they’ve approached you speaking a language that’s not your native tongue, and they will surely apologize and move on. Keep in mind, however, that this will be much more believable if you are close to the Medical Sciences or Engineering areas. If you are near a business school or one of the humanities, it’s a much tougher sell. Pretending to not know how to speak English is also a great activity if you are simply really bored.
3. Convince the Religious Zealot You are beyond saving – The Bible thumpers, and other religious converters seem to always be out in full force on nice sunny days when you are just trying to get to your lecture hall on time. For the ladies, it’s when you’re wearing your loveliest, and most revealing, spring outfits. It’s not that I’m opposed to religion; I’m just opposed to it being stuffed down my throat in the form of a pocket-sized Bible or a doomsday speech telling me about all the evils I have committed. I just don’t have time to conceptualize an eternity in hell for “rejecting” Jesus Christ when I am convinced that Calculus is my own personal hell on Earth. The best way to deflect these zealots is to simply convince them that there’s no way they can help you. Here are some five good answers to the question, “Have you been saved” which are sure to convince the person trying to prevent you from eternal damnation that you are beyond God/Jesus/Buddha/ Zeus/whoever’s saving graces:
1.“No, but I have two dads.”
2.“No, I’m a theatre major”
3.“I’m sorry; I have an appointment at Planned Parenthood I need to get to”
4.“Hail Satan!”
5.“Hail Darwin!”
Of course, if you have time, you can always choose to argue with them. If they are fundamentalist, and take every word of the Bible as fact, simply point out factual inconsistencies between the Old Testament and New Testament. Or pose them a logical question. For Example, “If we all came from Adam and Eve, why aren’t we all inbred with extra limbs and hemophilia?” I actually asked a preacher this very question and he responded that it was God’s miracle. My, religious zealots say the darndest things.
4. 
Headphone happiness, the iPod effect – iPods are a wonderful thing. Without my headphones and iPod, I’d probably have at least 10 credit cards, 20 bank accounts, be on a petition for every issue in the state, and be a member of 15 different religious organizations. If you have headphones on, and music blaring, you are deaf to the world and can just groove on by. Even if you hear them through the music, you can pretend like you didn’t. A word of caution, however, this MUST be combined with avoiding eye contact, since if you make eye contact you are acknowledging their existence. It’s much harder to avoid them that way. Usually if I lock eyes with someone trying to sell me something by mistake, I very quickly look down at my iPod and change the track as I scurry by. Trust me, it works. Just be careful when crossing streets with your iPod on, because that can be very dangerous. However, there’s no iPod danger if you have a pacemaker, so feel free to rock on!
5. Sacrifice the student in front of you – This is a more underhanded technique that requires awareness and discretion. If you see someone passing out leaflets or approaching people with a sign-up sheet, find the nearest student in front of you. Slowly get closer to them and walk almost DIRECTLY behind them. The person handing stuff out will have to choose one of you, and will most likely go for the person in front. As they get assailed, you can nimbly jump around them and continue on, worry free. Be sure to look back and toss them a wicked grin if you see their face wincing as they are engaged.
WARNING: If the other student is excellent at using the techniques listed here, it could backfire, so choose wisely.
6. Pretend to get random cell-phone call – As you are walking towards the marketers or whoever, a nice easy move is to simply pull out your cell-phone and start talking. You can act like it’s an urgent call and break into a sprint as you pass the booth or station for added effect. This could also be combined with the “I don’t speak English” technique, because you can randomly start yelling gibberish into your phone.
7. The Watch-Check Fake Out – If you are approaching a group of people trying to talk to you, you can always use the “insanely late for class” technique, AKA, the “Watch Check Fake-Out.” Simply look at your watch as you are walking towards them, and be sure to have a noticeable look of terror and/or shock on your face. Then, simply break out into a full blown sprint. They’ll assume you’re late for something very important, and you’ll blow by them before they can even say a word. You can wait until you round a corner or building to stop running for posterity, or simply stop running once you’ve passed them. Either way, you will have just used an effective dodge technique.
8. Look extremely angry – No one wants to approach an angry person, because angry people don’t want to spend money or sign up for things. If you are approaching some marketers, just get the meanest scowl on your face that you can. If you have some trash, (like an apple core or an empty Starbucks cup), slam it on the ground angrily as you near the group. You can even yell a random expletive if you want to really scare them off. If it’s an army recruiter, you could just show them this defense-budget versus education-budget, and let him know how angry you are about it. Unless of course, the following graph strikes you as a proper allocation of taxpayer dollars.
9. Give THEM a leaflet – Another interesting technique is to actually hand them something instead of taking something from them. This is similar to a well-known Maddox technique of mailing junk mail from one company to another company. All you need is a spare piece of paper. It could be useless notes, old syllabi, or a sheet of paper that simply reads “No” or “I don’t want any.” As you see them reach out to hand you something, just quickly drop the piece of paper in their hand and move on. They will be stunned by the profound way you just turned the tables.
10. Cross the street or sidewalk – This is a more direct way of avoiding people trying to get your money or get you to sign up for things. If you see a group of people all wearing the same t-shirt, RUN. Cross the street, run across the lawn, or go hide behind a building until they are gone. Generally, if you can stay 10 to 15 yards away from them at all times, you’ll be safe.
11. Pretend to be deaf and/or blind – This is more difficult to pull off, but can be done if you have spare dark glasses, a walking stick, or are very good at acting like you can’t hear. If you see a marketing trap in your path, put on some dark glasses, take out your cane and just start tapping the ground. Chances are, they won’t bother you. If you have no cane or glasses available, just make a funny face when they talk to you and start moving your hands like you are communicating via sign language (flipping the bird is also an option, but may elicit a very negative response).
April 17 2009 | College Advice and College Fun and Financial Aid | 1 Comment »
It’s undeniable that nearly every student will attend at least one party in college. It’s also undeniable that almost everyone will be “that guy” (or girl) at least once. As long as parties have existed, so have party fouls. It’s almost painful to go year after year and see different people make the same party mistakes that lead to them either getting thrown out of the party, or simply becoming the party punch line. It’s with this in mind that we here at College and Finance decided to come up with a list on how to avoid committing party fouls. Following these few tips should drastically increase the average amount of time you are able to spend at parties without getting thrown out. Both men and women should look closely at the following suggestions, since there will be something for everyone to learn from in the list.
1. If you must regurgitate, do so outside the building, in a trashcan, or in the restroom – If you’re a smart partier, you should know your limits, but in the rare event that things get out of hand and you feel your stomach start to churn, find the nearest bathroom, window, balcony, bag, or trashcan. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of people who know that they are about to lose their lunch, and do very little to avoid projectile vomiting all over the floor. How would you feel if someone came to your house and puked on your floor? To avoid committing the puke party foul, keep an eye on your surroundings at all times. If you aren’t within at least a thirty-second sprint from a trashcan or bathroom, you should relocate to another area of the party.
2. No one cares how intoxicated you are – This should probably be called “The Freshman Rule,” because Freshman are the most frequent offenders. It’s okay to be inebriated, but you don’t need to announce it to all your friends, roommates, and any strangers at the party. I’m happy when people are having a good time, but that doesn’t mean I need updates on their BAC levels every ten minutes. It’s fine if you feel the need to inform a friend or two, but running around the party screaming “Dude! I’m so messed up right now!!” is quite unbecoming.
3. No one but TLC is allowed to “Creep” – Both guys and girls have the potential to creep, but from my experience, guys are more frequent offenders. In today’s Facebook/MySpace stalker-net age, creeping seems to be becoming more prevalent. If you are at a party, always be mindful of being a creeper. There’s nothing more annoying when I see a group of attractive, intellectual females leaving a party in disgust because someone was acting more socially awkward than Robert Ford. If your lack of social skills results in a less appealing party, then you are making a huge party foul. The best way to avoid being a creeper is simply to have at least some knowledge of social cues before entering a party situation. Awkward attempts at flirting will most likely result in some creeping, so be wary.
4. Really know your friends before inviting them – You may think you know your friends, but you just might find that they become a completely different person when they have been having a bit of the sauce. There’s nothing worse than comm a collateral party foul. If your friend commits a party foul, you are guilty merely by association. It’s especially terrible if you were the person who brought them to the party. The best way to avoid this is to carefully monitor which friends you bring to a party. If your friend always ends up starting a fight, you might want to reconsider the potential ramifications for inviting them along for the evening. If you do end up getting caught in the guilt-by-association party foul situation, you can always disavow knowing the friend you brought to the party at all, although that’s not a very loyal thing to do. However, if the party is really amazing, who can find fault in trying to stay longer by any means necessary? In any case, just pray that a friend you bring along to a gathering never decides to commit the ultimate party foul.
5. Resist all urges to break things – Too many college students get hung up on this. From my experience, guys will break things at parties simply because they can and also because they feel that destruction of property somehow constitutes a demonstration of true masculinity. Unfortunately, breaking things merely makes you seem like a complete jerk devoid of any respect. Most often when females get into property-destruction trouble is more a result of accidental drunkenness. However, though it may be accidental, the party foul is still quite significant. I remember working the bar at a party in which a woman was so excited about getting her drink that she accidentally put the shoe she was holding through a window. Needless to say, everyone running the party was not amused, and the woman went drink-less.
6. Recognize who is running the party, and who the party is for – This is a basic rule of thumb that is violated all too often. If you know what the people who live in the house/apartment look like, and you know who the birthday boy or girl is, then you will find yourself much less likely to get thrown out. This is so because of two things: One, you will be less likely to offend someone who lives in the house or is the center of the party if you know who they are; and Two; if someone tries to test you to see if you belong at the party at all, you’ll be able to point out a few people (you don’t even need to know them, as long as you can demonstrate knowledge of who they are, you will be golden). If you’re crashing parties, then avoiding party fouls becomes even more crucial. Knowing who’s putting on the party and who it’s for could keep you from getting thrown out.
7. Unless it’s a Karaoke party, or other people are joining in, don’t sing over the music – There’s always that one intoxicated individual who decides that they must practice for their American Idol audition at the height of the party. I’ve seen people grab microphones out of the hands of DJs and burst into awful renditions of amazing songs. It’s great that you know all the lyrics to “Don’t Stop Believing”, but so does everybody else, and it’s much better singing with the group than trying to grab the spotlight all for yourself. Do your best to ignore any little voices in your head telling you to impress people with your singing skills. The voices cannot be trusted because they don’t have your best interests at heart. College and Finance, however, definitely does.
8. Academics should never be mentioned at a party – Unless you are at a crazy party thrown by the Dean, or the captain of the school math club, you should do your very best to refrain from any academic discussion. Simply put, 9 times out of 10, academic discussion is a major buzz kill for everyone in the room. You’ll even find some Engineering students who will get pretty upset if someone mentions academia at a party. Yes, you should be in college to learn. However, that doesn’t mean you should be talking about any of that fantastic learning at a college party.
9. Refrain from attempts at any movement which requires advanced coordination – Simply put, don’t try to do things while drunk that you can’t do sober. This is a good blanket rule to help you avoid a whole plethora of party fouls. You couldn’t scale a building, land gracefully after jumping off a balcony, or easily throw anything with pinpoint accuracy while holding a drink sober, so why try it while inebriated? After witnessing a young woman try to spin around a stripper pole at a party, and then observing her subsequent wipe out (and unfortunate drink spill), I figured that this rule needed mentioning. College and Finance experts surmise that there would be a 67% decrease in beer-spillage rates at party if people understood and followed this basic rule. College and Finance experts also noted that 98% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
10. Don’t take the last beer…unless you’re the host – While the number of these offenders is much smaller than other types, it is still worth mentioning. Simply put, if someone who isn’t the host of the event takes the last beer, that person is selfish and no one likes them. You definitely don’t want to be that person. If you see one beer left, don’t be a jerk, leave it there for as a reward for the wonderful human being who put all the festivities together.
So there you have some good tips for avoiding party fouls. Once again, it’s okay to commit a party foul every now and then in college, but the repeat offenders are those who will find themselves having more difficulty finding parties as the school year progresses. Remember to always be safe at parties, and always ask yourself “what would my mom think if she saw me doing this” before making any rash decisions. You just might find that people want to party with you more if you follow this advice.
January 11 2009 | College Advice and College Fun | No Comments »
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