How Cosmo Kramer Would Make Money in College
Getting a regular job in college is great, but not every student wants to work at their cafeteria. In fact, I’d be willing to bet a sizeable amount of cash that most students would rather not have to work at a cafeteria, or a library, or have any normal college job. Kramer from Seinfeld is always falling into money and somehow staying out of the poor house. This got me thinking about creative ways Kramer would use to get cash in college. He’s made a coffee table book about coffee tables that is actually a coffee table, invented a perfume that smells like the beach, and invented a male brassiere called a “bro,” so I think he would find a few of these schemes to be quite intriguing.
Charging People to Hold a Place in Line – With today’s demand for movies, books, games, and products, releases seem to be getting more exciting with each day. Kramer would probably love the idea of charging a fee to hold someone’s place in line. It would be a quick way to earn him some extra cash and he’d only have to stand in line. I bet he would have thought of it before those geniuses at iWait.
Start a Web Site About Anything – Kramer would definitely try his hand at making money on the Internet. Perhaps a site about a popular book could earn him significant amounts of cash and fame among the fanatics? Just ask Emerson Spartz of Mugglenet (a Harry Potter fan site) about his little web site adventure and how lucrative it has been for him. Also, social networking sites are to be all the rage, so Kramer might invent a new one as a get rich quick scheme. It’s pretty crazy how much money the founders of Facebook make. Facebook was started as site for a group of friends at Harvard, and now it makes millions. Kramer wouldn’t forget about the wonderful world of AdSense. He’d probably have several blogs with posts about nothing covered in AdSense ads.
Blood Plasma Donation – Kramer would think that donating some blood plasma is a fantastic way to get some quick cash. Many college students would agree with him.
Selling Body Parts as Advertising Space – It would seem sensible to Kramer, that if there is all this empty space on your body, why not sell it as advertising space? It would be an easy way to get some money if you were in a pinch. All you need is an attractive forehead.
Scalping Tickets – Kramer would scalp tickets in a heartbeat. It’s simple economics, buy tickets at a lower price, and sell them for profit. If there was a high demand game to be held on campus, then Kramer could really make some cash.
eBaying – Everyone knows Kramer would look through his belongings and find any old items and sell them on eBay. My friend makes handbags and sells them on eBay for a significant profit. Kramer would probably become a Power Seller in a few short months by selling the “bro.”
Sperm Donations – Kramer may not have been able to win the contest, but he would definitely try to make some cash by donating his sperm.
BicyTaxi - Just the type of invention Kramer would love. He would probably drive people around college campuses on a bike for a small fee. Advertising on Facebook is another great way Kramer would push the business.
Street Musician – If he was really strapped for cash, he might just sit on the sidewalk and play music for money. Or, he would offer to teach people how to play instruments for a price.
Beer Contact – Kramer has done illegal things in the past to get some extra jingle, so buying beer for underage college students and taking a carrier’s fee would be his idea of a brilliant business plan.
Selling Pirated DVDs and CDs – Although bootleg movies can be ruined when the ending is taped over Elaine’s dancing, Kramer would still be interested in selling DVDs and CDs to his fellow students. Making use of BitTorrent clients, he could probably make some easy cash.
Homework and Paper Writer – You may not want Kramer to do your homework for you, but I’m sure he’d offer the service for a small fee. If he had already taken the class, that might be an added bonus. He’d have to be careful though to make sure there was no plagiarism when the student turns the paper in.
Online Poker Player – Texas Hold Em is a big deal nowadays. More and more students are playing online and with their friends to make some serious cash. No doubt Kramer, being a compulsive gambler, would love to play poker online. Who knows, Kramer would probably end up being the next Chris Moneymaker (although I’d hope that Kramer would have more skill than him).
Write a Book That is a Rip-Off of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings – Kramer already made a coffee table book, so a novel is not out of the question. I know of one college-age person who made a ton of money writing a book that was a complete knock-off of Lord of the Rings. He even got a movie deal. Kramer would probably write a book about wizards in America who ride dragons and have to destroy a bracelet.
Lawsuits – Kramer was always involved in certain lawsuits. He might think it was a good idea to appear in a movie voluntarily, and then file suit against the moviemaker after the movie hit it big. That’s one easy way to get a lot of cash, or at least some publicity.
Selling Textbooks – Textbooks are big business on college campuses, and Kramer would certainly sell his textbooks to the highest bidder. He’d probably have many listings on Facebook at any given time. Once again, eBay could be used for helping his business.
Autograph Dealing – If Cosmo Kramer was at a large school with well recognizable athletes, he’d probably chase them down and get autographs. He might also just observe them eating in the dining halls, like Joe DiMaggio eating in the donut shop. After he obtained the autographs, he’d go back to good ole’ eBay and sell them for a profit. It would be a decent way to get some quick cash, although the athletes might get annoyed after a while, and I wouldn’t want to make any football players mad.
Selling Video Game Accounts – What’s better than playing a video game and making money from it? Kramer would love to play World of Warcraft and sell his account for profit. Many college students, including Kramer, would waste their lives away playing WoW, so why not make it a profitable experience?
Lottery and Sports Betting – Kramer, being the compulsive gambler would love betting on sports through the multitude of web sites associated with bookies. Of course, he probably would have bet on Ohio State to win the BCS Championship game, and we all know how that turned out. Winning the lottery is always nice, so Kramer might try his luck at the local state lottery.
Somehow, Kramer always seems to have enough money to live, so if he was in college, I’m sure he’d be all right. Alas, for those of us who hate having regular jobs, maybe taking out a page from Kramer’s book to get some extra money is a good idea. Just don’t expect to have a stable financial situation, and just because Kramer can get away with some illegal activity, doesn’t mean you could, so you might not want to risk it. Only Kramer could truly survive using these schemes, but if you’re short a few bucks, it could help.
July 06 2007 | Financial Advice | 1 Comment »